What if I'm afraid of being rejected?

Believe it or not, a stunningly attractive young woman at a Missouri college told me she was afraid of being rejected by her guy friend, who she wanted to kiss.

"Why would anyone reject you? You're absolutely gorgeous."

"Thank you. But, this guy and I have been wrestling when we get together and-"

"Wrestling?"

"Yes."

"Physically wrestling?"

"Yes. You know, like play wrestling."

"And he doesn't kiss you?"

"No! He never has."

"I find that hard to believe."

"I swear it's true."

"Why doesn't he?"

"I think he just wants to keep it on a friendly basis. But I want to kiss him. I'm just afraid of being rejected."

The answer here is that at a certain point you have to take a chance. I told her that there was no way in the world any guy would reject her physically, but not all guys would be compatible with her emotionally. She was kind of an independent woman, and a bit assertive. And not all guys like that. So she might get the guy to kiss her, but then be disappointed later on if he didn't fall in love with her.

The best way to deal with your emotional insecurity is to wait for plenty of eye contact before you kiss your partner. Eye contact is a sign of interest. And prolonged eye contact usually occurs during a good conversation. These particular two people had gone way beyond eye contact, however. They had progressed to the point where they were regularly rolling around on the couch, wrestling! At this point, you can safely assume that the other person is at least physically attracted to you. In such a situation, it's safe to risk a kiss.

One footnote for beautiful women and extremely handsome guys: Research suggests that members of the opposite sex are often shy around good- looking people. Many beautiful women say that guys won't call them and ask for a date because they're afraid of being rejected. As a result, they often have fewer dates than average-looking people. And they often can't tell if someone really likes them for themselves or just for their looks. Ironically, in such a situation, many good-looking women have resorted to becoming more aggressive about initiating contact with the guys they like, which results in more dates and more kissing opportunities.

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